Life on hold

We got interesting news on Thursday. Then promptly left for the weekend to try and enjoy some summer time fun with the family on the lake despite the news. Cut and dry — Chris could be laid off and we won't know for a couple of weeks. We try not to talk about it in front of the kids but it seeps into every conversation, the elephant in the room.

I'm still processing the idea that The Birmingham News will only be published three days a week come fall. I think it's stupid. I'm also in denial and angry. Not so much depressed by the idea that Chris might be losing his job. More like waves of panic (Agghhhhhh!!!!!) followed by a detached calm (we'll be fine). Worst roller coaster ride ever. Maybe he won't lose his job. Maybe we'll just be facing a huge pay cut. Both turn our lives upside down.

This is our first time facing layoffs. I know this does not make me unique in today's economy. So many people are in this situation but it's raw for me. It's happening to me and I want to scream. But it's not my first time without money. I've been poor. It's no fun. Counting every penny. Not being able to give your child everything you want to give them. It's no fun at all.

I hate change. Big change especially. Chris leaving the paper would be a big change. My having to go back into the work force would be a big change. Heck, it took me a few years to get used to not having a "real" job. (Not that raising children isn't a real job ... it's a very important job with no vacation, no overtime, no breaks. And certainly the hardest job I will ever have!) So now that I'm this rockin' soccer mom, you mean I might have to switch back?! I'm not opposed to working. We've felt lucky that I have gotten to stay at home with the boys. I throughly expected to go back to work once Joseph started kindergarten. My expectations were to give him the same commitment I gave Will. That's two years of me Joseph wouldn't have.

So these thoughts and many more swirl around my head all day and night. But we can't start doing until we have some facts. Life is on hold ...

then again, there are dishes in the sink and clothes in the dryer. Life does goes on ...

we'll be fine, right?